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Greetings. My name is Snark. And this is my column. There will be a slight pause while you say, "Who cares?" Well, maybe you're not that cold, but you probably are wondering "Who is this Snark, and what is this column?"
Who am I? I'm Snark. (But you knew that, didn't you?) I am male. I love the genre of soap. I've been watching AMC and OLTL since I was about four days old. So, when I say I'm a lifelong fan, believe it! I'm a huge serial nut, period. I don't know why, but I find something oddly comforting about a story continuing on and on and on. I love comic books for a lot of the same reasons. (Which is why it's doubly painful to see comics go through the same problems that soaps are going through.) I collect old-time radio serials. To me, there is nothing better than those three little words: TO BE CONTINUED. Beyond that, I am a 19 year old college senior majoring in English and minoring in Electronic Media Studies. (Yes, you read the last sentence right. No typos there.)
As you know, this website is devoted to the Malone Era of OLTL. My column, however, is not. Don't get me wrong; I loved the Malone era of OLTL. The show just hasn't been the same since he left it. But my column will have a broader purpose than that of this site. It will deal with soaps in general. Most of my writing will be on the issues that are affecting soaps now. (Both on and off-screen.) Ocassionally, however, you might find me waxing nostalgic about soap operas' past. And there are those times I will look into soap operas' (increasingly grim) future. In other words, "this column is like a box of chocolates..."
Well, that's not entirely true. When you read this column, you know you'll get honest opinions about the state of the genre that don't pull any punches. You'll get a commentator who can speak honestly, without having to worry about whether they can get the latest "weekly scoops" that have been essentially re-wording the same things for months, or promised interviews from executives who string you along for a year before actually giving the interview. In short, I don't have to suck up. God bless the suck-ups, for their interviews and "thought pieces". They've given me a lot of laughs and will now provide me with a lot of material. I'm just happy I don't have to be one of them.
You'll get columns that are packed with a lot of humor, as well as some serious analysis. (BTW, if you ever think this column gets too serious, please remember: I am well read on the current events of the day. I have other hobbies and interests outside of soap opera. I know who Elian Gonzalez is. I'm aware of the threat Afghanistan may pose. I understand the fate of this genre isn't the biggest thing in the world. However, this is not a world issues column, it's a soap opera column. If you want balance, read Cal Thomas or George Will before coming here. Thanks.)
You'll get a lot of bitching, because soaps are in a state where they deserve to be bitched at. But, you'll also hear praise where praise is deserved. I love to praise the genre; I won't, however, give anybody a gold star because "they tried", or gee,"that looked good on paper", or, "boy, those actors struck gold even with such shoddy material." Actors, IMO, are the best thing about soaps right now; they repeatedly strike gold with material far less than what they deserve. That means the actors deserve praise, not the shows as a whole.
Before signing off, I remind you that all which comes from the mouth of Snark is fully my opinion. And I fully expect this will be the last time I have to say that. Also, if you wish to e-mail me on any column, or just ask me any questions about soaps that I haven't touched on yet, here's the addy to do it: snarkieposter@yahoo.com. If you wish to praise, debate, or call me all kinds of S.O.B.'s, go ahead and do it. Just no computer viruses, that's all I ask.
Until next time...
TO BE CONTINUED.