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I’m going to go out on a limb right now, and say that Port Charles is cancelled by the end of 2001. And that’s just being on the safe side. My real guess is that PC is wrapped up and shipped off by the time the seemingly unstoppable Writers/Actors’ Guild strikes hit. What do I base this dire pronouncement on, you ask? Well, I’m glad you asked! Otherwise, I wouldn’t have much of a column this week.
1. The ratings. They’re low. In fact, with an average rating of a 1.8, PC has become the lowest-rated soap on daytime. Passions seems to have surpassed PC for good. Just being in the position of lowest-rated soap puts PC in a bind. No network wants to have the lowest-rated anything. If PC was pulling a 3, but was still in last-place compared to other soaps, cancellation rumors would still fly.
2. The Spin-off factor. For some reason, spin-offs seemed to be absolutely cursed when it comes to daytime. They never get the ratings of their parent show, and often do far worse. However, the main reason why networks create spin-off soaps is so the spin-off will get ratings equal to its’ predecessor. It’s a way of expanding a successful show without actually doing it. Another World was NBC’s top show in the early 70’s when NBC created Somerset. It limped along for a little over six years before getting cancelled. In the early 80’s, NBC tried again with Texas. That one made it about two and a half years. ATWT’s prime time sixties spin-off Our Private World ran about four months. Even semi-spin-offs like Loving’s metamorphosis into The City don’t last long.
3. The Affiliates. They don’t support Port Charles. Having not had a hit in the 12:30 Eastern slot since the early days of Ryan’s Hope, it appears the affiliates weren’t particularly enthused about Port Charles, despite it being spun off from ABC’s highest-rated soap, General Hospital. From day one, many affiliates have aired the show late at night or not at all. Lack of affiliate support is a big indicator to whether a soap is doomed or not. Loving went along for years with low ratings, but it wasn’t until affiliates began actively dropping the show, that it got the ax. Those same affiliates never carried The City. Even old-timers like Love of Life,The Doctors, and The Edge of Night were all effectively nailed by affiliate dropout.
4. The Faulty Fixes. Rarely is a cancelled soap cancelled without someone trying to fix it first. With Port Charles, the fixes came almost from day one. The original concept, Richard and Carolyn Culliton’s bland Chicago Hope wanna-be, was jettisoned after three months for Lynn Marie Latham’s more traditional mix of romance and mayhem. This seemed to work better than the Culliton formula, but after 18 months, Latham left and Scott Hamner took over. Scott is the son of Earl Hamner, creator of The Waltons. Oh, how Scott shamed his daddy’s name! Under him, PC became a mish-mosh of mysterious, secret-agenda carrying villains, psychic visions, and midgets. Yes, midgets. Hamner was jettisoned after a year, Jonathan Estrin and Karen Harris were brought in to steer PC back to a more traditional format. Estrin left after a month, and Barbara Bloom was brought in. Despite critical acclaim, PC’s numbers were low. Now Barbara Esensten and James Harmon Brown (see previous columns for a rundown of these two failures) are being brought in. But Bloom and Harris are staying. And Lorraine Broderick is now a breakdown writer. And Agnes Nixon, ABC’s newly appointed Daytime Writing Czar, is supposed to have input. Oh, and now ABC is supposed to be really serious about the telenovela format of shorter story arcs for PC, even though it was tried this spring with bleh results. Writing roulette and big ideas: the two surest signs that a soap is on it’s last legs.
5. The replacement. This is the biggie. Does the network have a show to replace the failing soap, if the network wishes? This week, many media outlets have reported that the auction website Ebay is in talk with a major network to produce a TV show based on the site. (????) Zap2it. Com, a reputable website, has gone a step further. It reports that Ebay is in talks with ABC for a daytime show to begin in the 2001-02 season, and that it will probably be a half-hour. So long, Port Charles.
In the bright idea department, Port Charles now flashes the names of the characters alongside their photos in the opening sequence. According to a Soap Opera Digest interview with Executive Producer Julie Hanan Carruthers, not everyone is featured every day, which makes it harder for new viewers to keep track. (New PC viewers: A true rare species.) Carruthers also believes it’s better than having characters repeat other characters’ names several times per episode. Frankly, I think PC doesn’t go far enough. Names I can memorize after a week or two. It’s relationships I have trouble with. Perhaps PC can adopt a Pop-up Video format, flashing the various ties of the characters. When Kevin and Lucy appear on-screen, a caption can flash describing their tangled relationship. But, that would take up three-fourths of the screen. Still, I think it’s necessary. I’m still trying to figure out how Kevin, Rachel, and Livvie fit together.
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DISCLAIMER: I did not make this letter up. Seriously.
D. Fay writes:
“Dear Mr. Snark:
I enjoy reading your "Snark Weighs In" report every week. You're a fairly knowledgeable fellow (in grad school no less!) and I'm wondering if you could answer a question. I tend to watch "One Life to Live" on an on-and-off basis. I've just started watching again and all of the new characters have me totally confused. One of them, a white-haired guy with bulging eyes, keeps talking to, and sometimes yelling at, a character he calls "Pal." Just who is this Pal and what is his relationship to everyone? Is the white-haired guy the only character that knows Pal, or is he just the only character who talks to Pal? I'd thought I'd figured out which character was Pal, but then the next time the white-haired guy called out to Pal, the guy I thought it was wasn't even in the room. Then I remembered that there used to be a character named Powell on OLTL, and I wondered if this white-haired guy was just mispronouncing Powell. Do you think that could be it?
Any help will be appreciated! I'm also trying to figure out which character is Champ. Thanks a lot!
D. Fay
Dear Mr. Fay,
I too have had your trouble. While I no longer view OLTL on anything resembling a regular basis, I did watch for a number of years while the gentleman you speak of first came on. I believe that the white-haired gentleman (we'll call him Sam) is some sort of existentialist. Much like environmentalists believe that we are at one with earth and are basically interchangeable, Sam believes that everyone is Pal. He sees that everyone is one with the Pal force, so he calls them Pal. I haven't quite figured out the champ doctrine yet.
For more on the religious teachings of Sam, I invite you to get in touch with the leader of his fan club. You can e-mail him with your query at lesrao@hotmail.com. And tell him Snark sent you!
Now to the part of each column you await with breathless anticipation—the e-mail address! If you wish to drop a line to yours truly, I’m only a click away. Send your marvelous missive to snarkieposter@yahoo.com. The rest is in the hands of fate—and Bill Gates!