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This is one of those weeks where I just couldn't wait to write the column. There's so much to talk about, so let's dive right in.Soapnet's A Smash
(The quotes used in this piece are taken from recent articles in Variety, as sent to me by eagle-eyed reader Stephen Wiss.)
Recently, Soapnet sent a press release to all the major media outlets concerning their ratings---and the news is good. No, good is not the term. Phenomenal is more like it. Disney CEO Michael Eisner called it "the greatest thing that's happened to our company since chopped liver, and we don't even have chopped liver." What's the big deal? Soapnet is the top-rated cable network among women 25-54, and the second-highest rated cabler among women 18-49-the target demo for soaps. This is even bigger news, when you consider that Soapnet is only available to 8 million households while its' more established competitors-like Lifetime-are available in close to 80 million households. And if it's doing this well now, what will happen in 2004 when Soapnet will be available in 30 million households?
So, doesn't this explain why the ratings for the ABC airings of the soaps are down? Those missing viewers haven't stopped watching-they've simply switched over to Soapnet-right? What at first glance looks like a failure for ABC Daytime is really the result of a brilliant business move by Disney. Soapnet is actually a huge boon to advertisers, and ABC, in general!
. Not so fast, Pedro. I still have a few questions.
1. What will the affilates do? ABC affilates were reportedly very nervous about the formation of Soapnet. Soapnet's same-day airing of ABC Daytime's lineup means that soaps such as AMC and GH are no longer exclusive to ABC's local stations. Without that exclusivity, affilates feared that if a viewer could watch the ABC soaps somewhere else, they would-cutting into the affilates' ratings. While Soapnet may mean higher viewership and better ad revenues for the lineup as a whole, that's meaningless to an affilate who has to sell their local ad time based on how many local viewers are watching. When a soap's local rating gets too low, the affilate moves it to the graveyard shift or drops it all together. When too many affilates drop out, as with Edge of Night or Ryan's Hope, the soap ends up cancelled. But, at least with those two shows, the numbers were genuinely low. What happens when affilates pull shows because the viewers are still watching somewhere else? And what about the viewers who like the lineup, but aren't going to get cable turned on just to get Soapnet? Or do have cable, but have to wait until 2004 or beyond to get Soapnet on their system? Will Disney be able to compensate the affilates for the declining local profit margin?
2. Is Soapnet cutting into the affilates viewership? Of course, perception is ultimately reality. But, no news story I've seen shows a numerical breakdown of exactly how many people are watching the various Soapnet re-showings of AMC, etc. To be number 1 and number 2 in such key demos, the audience would seemingly have to be substantial. But, we're also talking about the world of cable, filled with hundreds of channels, most of which only get a hundreth of the cable pie. Fox News Channel crows about being number 1 in news during primetime, but it's often less than 100, 000 viewers over CNN or MSNBC. So, I would ask a) exactly what is the total viewership for AMC, et al on Soapnet, and b) what are the numbers for Soapnet's closest competitor in those key demos?
3. If Soapnet is taking from the affilates, why are PC and OLTL unaffected? Since the inception of Soapnet, AMC and GH have had massive drops. But, PC has only dropped a little and OLTL has remained relatively flat.
4. Where's the money? The recent Soapnet press release seems to vindicate mysterious message board insiders who not only say that Soapnet accounts for the missing viewers, but is generating huge ad revenues by convincing advertisers to see the ABC Daytime audience and Soapnet audience as one. Yet, when you actually watch a Soapnet same-day airing, the number of national commercials is actually a fraction of the ones you'll see on the daytime lineup. The rest of the hour is filled with network promos and P.S.A.'s. Is Soapnet really making huge money from convincing a few advertisers to join the party?
IMO, the Soapnet press release ultimately raises more questions than it answers, and I'll be interested to see how those questions get answered in the coming months.
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SOD Strikes Again
After months of not even knowing if Soap Opera Digest was going to have an awards this year, SOD hit us this week of their list of nominees. In the early days of the awards, SOD used to let the readers select the nominees, and then vote on the three nominees with the most votes. In recent years, the SOD editors have begun picking the nominees themselves. Worse, SOD, apparently bullied by some soap execs who were whining that they didn't have a fair shot at getting nominated, now make sure that every soap gets at least a few nods. Welcome to Outcome-Based Nominations.
In the struggle to give every soap a "fair shake," SOD has produced some real winners. Now, I realize that awards nominees are always subject to personal taste, but, some of these are still mind-boggling. I don't care how much Heather Tom whines, Melody Thomas Scott (Nikki, Y&R) has never been material for any Lead Actress award. OLTL's Ben & Viki as favorite couple?! Put aside the amateur writing, character assassination, pitiful acting, and utter lack of romantic chemistry between these two. (Yeah, I know that's asking a lot, but, seriously, put it aside.) These two were hardly together last year! When Ben wasn't fondling his gun, or angsting over learning he's Asa's son, Viki was dealing with her breast cancer or her daughter on the run or wacky Todd. Perhaps SOD is saying the less B&V are together, the more they like it?
Other hilarities include B&B's Brooke as Best Heroine (Yes, sleeping with a married man and driving his alcoholic wife to kill you and herself is always good for the Heroine column. And, hey, now that she had pictures taken of her son with another woman in order to break up his relationship, she should be a shoo-in for the red cape and blue tights!); B&B's Amber as Outstanding Younger Actor (Why people keep praising the Queen of Screech is beyond me); and AMC's Libidozone story as Best Storyline of the Year. (I hear they were also going to nominate AMC's Brooke and Elliot, but good sense prevailed.)
Oy, what a joke! At least we know the Emmys are nominated and voted on by people who don't even watch the soaps, save a couple times a year. The SOD Awards are supposedly run by those who watch the soaps every day. But, instead of actually nominating or letting the readers nominate those who deserve it, the editors are tying themselves in knots trying to have every show be represented. And all, as the WWF's Vince McMahon would say, "in the interest of fairness." Gag.
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TV Guide Online reports that The Bold and the Beautiful is making plans to court "the Spanish-speaking population in America." Beginning May 28, B&B will utilize SAP (Secondary Audio Program) technology to broadcast in both English and Spanish. B&B will be the first American soap to do this. In addition, B&B will be adding several Latino characters, including a hunky designer.
According to Head Writer/Executive Producer Bradley Bell: "We believe the combination of the new characters and the SAP technology will make the show accessible and enjoyable to a whole new audience. The Latino characters are the first step in making The Bold and the Beautiful even more appealing to this audience."
I don't know. It sounds like more of B&B's trademark silliness to me. Who ever heard of a bunch of Latinos living in L.A.?
Not to be outdone, ABC has announced that it too, will be broadcasting its' soaps in Spanish, as well as adding more Latino characters to AMC and Port Charles. I guess AMC's Mateo, OLTL"s Antonio, and GH's Roy just aren't enough of a draw.
Bold, Beautiful…and the Blooper Reel
Not that B&B isn't one continuous sick joke anyway, but did anyone catch the blooper on Thursday's episode? The episode was set at night. Yet, you could clearly see sunlight coming through the side of Morgan's house! And, if you think it was some clever metaphor about the sun rising now that Ridge, Taylor, and Steffi are reunited, don't: The next episode was set at night, too.
. Prime-Time Stunts on A Daytime Budget
This week, I was continuously reminded of how poorly daytime does special-effects work. Big emotional reveals and personal heart-to-hearts, not big explosions and car-crashes, have always been soaps' forte. Beyond that, soaps simply don't have the budget that a prime-time show has to pull of these special-effects bonanza. Thursday's B&B featured a highly dramatic moment when Ridge, desperate to save Taylor, rammed a car through the front of Morgan's house. But, instead of bringing down the house, it looked more like Ridge was bringing down the set! On the same day, the final scene of Days of Our Lives featured a chem. Lab explosion that was little more than an overactive smoke machine. (It reminded me of the 1998 GL sequence of Spaulding Enterprises' lab blowing up, which consisted of a phony, computer-generated explosion, followed by a bunch of people walking around covered in black soot. Not Executive Producer Paul "King of Production Values" Rauch's finest hour.)
Of course, if you really want sad special effects, flip over to Passions. For some reason, the soap journalists have decided that if Passions fails, the industry will die son after. This causes them to go out of their way to praise every little thing about Passions, including the special effects. Why? Tabitha can make objects appear out of thin air? That was perfected on Bewitched. And do I really have to tell you where they got the idea of Hecuba in a bottle from?
No, I know why they're going ga-ga! It's those great Hell sequences with all the fire and the demons, right? Come on! I've seen better graphics on Playstation. Visual effects and optical mayhem are not soaps' strong suit. Add to that the obvious lack of monetary resources, and soaps' special effects are just embarrassing. It's time to go back to what you do best.
. MAIL BAG
This week's letter comes from Ray Gardener (seriously), who writes:
"You Are The Man!
"Hey, Snarkie. I just wanted to let you know the aformentioned,
already-so-obvious fact. I stumbled upon the Malonian Site, and your
column just today. Even though I only watch Days and OLTL, I actually
sat and read every one of your past columns, 'cause I enjoyed them so
much. I agree with every observation you've made about the industry
and most of the shows, plus you crack me the hell up. You should be a
writer for a soap mag but you have to be either one of two things to be
a male soap journalist in print mags, and last time I checked you were
neither gay nor an ass-kisser.
"Anyways, I had to let you know how enjoyable those dang columns of Yours are, and to let you know that I have just taken over writing the SoapCentral.com/Days "Two Scoops " column, where I get to rant about the dreck that is currently Days of Our Lives. Check it out sometime and let me know what you think. I've only done one so far, but I'm trying for just the right balance of humor and ranting. Your column has now become the standard by which all of mine will be measured, now that I've read all of them. Thanks for the insight and laughs. Keep it coming!"
--Ray
I've been to the site. It amused me. I'm glad to see I'm not the only one who can't stand the new heroine for the 21'st century, DAYS' Chloe.
Don't be jealous; you, too, can write to the hottest e-mail address on the web. Simply send your marvelous missive to snarkieposter@yahoo.com But, be careful-it's hotter than Michael Malone's chili! Until next time…