Come August, you should see an improvement in the two remaining Procter&Gamble soaps. You should, anyway. For those who don’t know, the two remaining P&G soaps are As the World Turns and Guiding Light. The last of a once-proud line, ATWT and GL have been in a horrible state of decline over the past five years, both story and ratings-wise. Both have had their bright spots during that time, but they’re becoming increasingly fewer. In what could be the last gasp for both shows, P&G is trying something different. Gone are ATWT’s Leah Laiman, GL’s Barbara Estenson and James Harmon Brown, and most of their writing teams. In their place, are a well-respected veteran soap writer and a complete soap novice.

GL is getting the creative team of Claire Labine, along with her children Matthew and Eleanor. Claire Labine is the multiple-Emmy award winning scribe of such soaps as Love of Life, Ryan’s Hope (which she created), General Hospital, and One Life to Live. (And despite rumors that it was actually a space alien doing the scribing, Labine assures an interviewer in a recent Soap Opera Weekly that she was the head writer of OLTL and takes full responsibility for that period.)

Interestingly enough, Labine also comments in that same interview about how her job is made more stressful by other people (read: management) who don’t know how to write being involved in the writing process. I can understand her making this comment, since that seems to be the state of the industry today. Which makes me wonder why Labine is going back. The soap industry hasn’t changed much in the two plus years she’s been gone. If anything, it’s probably worsened. Beyond that, Labine is going to work for a place where her stories have to be approved by Executive Producer Paul Rauch (who ain’t exactly Maxine Levinson, former OLTL producer), Procter &Gamble (who recently changed their official slogan to“Give us the youngins! We love the youngins! Where the youngins at?”), and CBS, whose daytime president is reportedly high on “Calgon, take me away” type clunkers such as San Christobel. Whether or not Claire Labine has complete creative control, as has been rumored, she has a tough road ahead of her. Ratings are bad, the demos are worse, and viewer morale is low. And Labine has three bosses to answer to, each with their own way of handling the show, and each probably light-years away from Labine.

Well, the backstage show should be good anyway.

Meanwhile, ATWT has a complete novice for their new head writer. Oh, pardon me! He served as a consultant to ATWT for six weeks, before getting named as the new chief scribe. His name is Hogan Sheffer, and getting info on him is even harder than getting info on that “popular soap actor” who got nailed by an NYC bus last month. Sheffer is a writer, having worked on numerous screenplays, some of which were made into movies, some of which were not. Of those that were made into movies, Sheffer apparently does not receive any on-screen credit for them. This is not uncommon; Sheffer apparently didn’t write these screenplays, he just worked on the revising process. Oh, and in addition to all this, he’s also the brother of some actor who was on OLTL in the early eighties.

When I first heard about Sheffer, I was very optimistic. Like many message board posters, I had visions of Harding LeMay and Michael Malone, two other soap novices who set daytime on its’ ear, dancing in my head. And with the incestuous relationships between well credentialed hacks like Laiman who flitters from soap to soap, I was happy to hear of a new, first time head writer.

But, I have to ask: Does this guy even exist? Or, is he a clever invention of the execs, who want to write the show their own way, without having to worry about fan outcry? I mean, just look at his name. Hogan Sheffer. Does that sound like a made-up soap character name or what? I can just picture it:

HOLDEN: Lily?
LILY (Who is now back in Oakdale following the merciful conclusion of theLily/Simon/Celia/Rose/Holden/Katie doubledeckerdangle.): Yes, Holden?
HOLDEN: Lily, I’d like you to meet my old college buddy, Mr. Hogan Sheffer.
HOGAN: (in a very British accent): Hello, Lily. It is a pleasure to meet you.
LILY: Oh no! Another good looking foreigner! Let me outta here!

How easy would it be to pull a fast one on the public and the lazy soap press? Ah, forget it. That plan’s so brilliant, it could almost work, which means it’s too good an idea for CBS or P&G execs to have thought of.

Hopefully, the new writers will give P&G soap fans something to be proud of. Perhaps now they can argue about which soap is better, instead of which soap is worse.

ATWT FAN: Yeah, ATWT sucks, but GL is pure-tee crap!
GL FAN: Oh, please! We’ve got a little girl dying of leukemia, and two marriages falling apart and your big story is Lily’s wacky twin!
ATWT FAN: Our wacky twin? Hello--Clone Reva? Besides, one week of good shows doesn’t make up for years of crap!
GL FAN: Same to you! And I’ll take a full hour of Clone Reva over five minutes of Screaming Celia anyday of the week!

In all seriousness, I wish both the Labines and Mr. Sheffer a lot of luck in making the light shine, and putting the world back on its’ axis, respectively. They’re gonna need it.

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That’s all for now. El Snarkie can still be reached at: snarkieposter@yahoocom
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