.
A placebo is, of course, a pill given in lieu of the actual drug that is being tested. Soap fans have a disease. It’s called badshows. Badshows is a disease in which a soap viewer tunes into a soap which is normally good, and finds that it is now bad. At first, the soap fan thinks it’s a minor thing, like a cold. Remembering the symptoms, the fan chalks it up to a dry spell or a couple of cast changes or a rough transition between writing teams. If it lasts a while longer, the fan assumes they’ve got a bad writing team, and that they just have to ride it out. But, it’s more than just that. It’s bad writing, bad producing, bad management, poor casting choices (both in hiring and firing). And the things that used to work (getting rid of the bad actors, writers, etc) don’t anymore. Instead, they’re replaced with even worse writers and more horrid actors.
Badshows is an epidemic. Nearly every soap fan has it. It’s depressing and painful, but it won’t kill you; it may be the death of your soap, however. As expected, soap fans have been demanding treatment to cure what ails them. But, for some reason, the doctors (TPTB) aren’t giving it to them. Maybe they don’t know how to cure it; maybe they want to see fans suffer. But, the response has been largely to ignore soap fans ailments as psychological delusions. Recently, however, the doctors are acknowledging there’s a problem. Yet, they’re still not treating it. Instead, they’re passing out the sugar pills. The top 5 of these are:
5. NEW CHARACTERS, BUT THEY’RE TIED TO HISTORY!:
PROBLEM: A long-standing complaint of the sickly soapfan is that soaps have been introducing a slew of young characters, many of whom are not even tied to current characters on the show, and immediately focusing the show on them. Worse, many of these budding thespians...ain’t.
PLACEBO: Do the exact same thing, but make sure they’re tied to long-term characters. On ATWT, Chris and Abigail quickly become the focus of the show, even though many viewers find the actors inadequate, and the love story forced, and due to the age difference, distasteful. But, hey! Chris is a Hughes! And Abigail is Holden’s kid! Those are long-term characters! And, if you flip over to OLTL, we’ll go you one better. Meet Jared Hall, grandson of Ed and Carla Hall, beloved OLTL characters...who haven’t been on in 15 years.
PRESCRIPTION: Watch the Billy/Mac storyline on Y&R. Notice how those characters help create story for the older characters. Notice how they didn’t take over the show. Imitate it. And hire actors who can act.
4. DIVERSITY:
PROBLEM: Everyone wants more diversity on soaps. Where are the different races, ethnicities, and social classes? Where is the mix of people that reflect the viewer’s world?
PLACEBO: After making some progress during the early 90’s, the daytime industry has regressed. When you say diversity, they hear, “Throw a few black people on there.” That’s it. No other races. The social structure starts at upper-middle class. Religion is used when we need a scene of someone crying in the hospital chapel for the Emmy reel. You want diversity? On OLTL, we brought back Ellen Bethea as Rachel, and hey, there’s Jared Hall again! Of course, Bethea’s recurring status quickly equaled guest shot, and the character of Jared was so important, he was written off in May, and it was just announced last week. Would OLTL have waited that long to announce a Rappaport departure? And could a Rappaport be written out so seamlessly, they wouldn’t have to be recast?
PRESCRIPTION: Real characters of all backgrounds, that are actually important to the story, are needed stat. Not every show has to be the Rainbow Coalition, but with 10 soaps on the air, there should be room for more than WASP’s and might as well be WASP’s.
3. THEY’RE BACK!
PROBLEM: So many fan favorites have left or been firedover the past few years, it’s left fans reeling. In fact, nothing moves fans into action quicker than a beloved actor being let go. So, what do you do?
PLACEBO: Bring them back, one way or another. The best placebo is to get the actor back on the show they were let go from, or left. AMC’s Michael Nader and OLTL’s Roger Howarth are prime examples. Of course, we can always capitalize on getting another soap’s favorites as ABC Daytime did with the displaced Linda Dano, or AMC with Marj Dusay.
PRESCRIPTION: If they’re that good, don’t let them go in the first place. Don’t backburner them; don’t give them absurd material, that encourages them to leave. If the worst happens, but, by some miracle, you do get the actors back...ditto what I just said. Don’tbackburner them, don’t encourage them to leave. Don’t do it for the short-term publicity. Use these people;the audience wants you to.
2. LOG ON!
PROBLEM: This is a new one. Internet fans were griping long before the Net became popular--but now they’ve found each other, they’re sharing thoughts and opinions with each other, and now everyone can see just how sick the soap fan is. The number 1 cry of the Net fan: Why don’t they listen to us Net fans?
PLACEBO: We will! From such minor decisions as choosing Hayley’s wedding dress on AMC, to the major choose the father of Hope’s baby on DAYS, ...well, actually those are the only two examples I can think of. But they set the example of just what a broad range TPTB are willing to let soap fans decide. Finally! This is the tastiest placebo of all, cause it gives fans a feeling of power, and everyone else a potential scapegoat.
PRESCRIPTION: Get some writers who can write, and let them. Choosing Hayley’s dress is cute, but it hardly makes me feel great about the horror show that has been Hayley and Mateo for the past few years. DAYS is even worse. While it places a major plot point in the hands of the fans, it gives a choice few fans wanted. The father of Hope’s baby must be John or Stefano. No one wanted the mess of a storyline that Hope has had for years now. No one wanted her to be pregnant again, especially by anyone other than Bo. Time after time, fans voiced their opinion on the direction the show was going, and time after time, they were ignored. Only when TPTB dug themselves into a hole big enough to lose 2 and a half million viewers though did this last-ditch attempt to get the fans involved come about. And no one is satisfied. The question is no longer whether a story’s good or bad, but is it worse than the last one? (Usually, yes.) We need to be able to debate the characters and the stories again.
1. REVOLVING DOOR PROBLEM: The current writers/producers are horrid. Fans need some new ones, ones that are good.
PLACEBO: New ones are hired; the “good” part is forgotten. Even if they are good, some one higher up will probably trash the stories for their vision, anyway.
PRESCRIPTION: What’s the point of hiring new writers/producers if you’re going to keep interfering and undermining their authority? Why fire a hack, and replace them with a bigger hack? Writers who can write, producers who can produce, and the freedom to let them do so. That’s what’s needed more than anything else.
But, for now, take two more aspirin, try not to break the flusher, and e-mail me in the morning. I’m at snarkieposter@yahoo.com